my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
