Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
