wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
