also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
