U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
