So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I touched a dick in church today
My life is pants optional.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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