State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
