I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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