I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
