happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
