When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
