I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
