When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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