And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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