Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
