if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
