he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
