On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I supernannyed him into submission
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