i permit you to call me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
