And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just blew my weed a kiss
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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