Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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