Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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