I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
