We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
