My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
