you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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