i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
