girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need moral support for this bender
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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