Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
