She tied me up with her honor cords...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
