i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
