I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
