I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
