We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
