Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
