i need an iv and a liver transplant
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
