I hate your face
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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