***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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