Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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