do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
