i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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