i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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