you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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