Don't you send me to vm
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
