so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
