as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
