my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to align my fucking chakras
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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