Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
