I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
