I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
