when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wish my penis had a tongue
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
