On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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