All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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