I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
