Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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