That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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