Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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