Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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