but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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