I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
