They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
