is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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