So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
