Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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