life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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