my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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